Is there room for me?

There are so many people around you. You stand there talking to everyone. I stand a feet away. You don't notice me. One glance. You see me now.

But you don't move. You're talking to the ones right next to you.

I wait for you.

You don't come.

There is no room for me.

For how long?

Happy.

You wake up in the morning smiling. College. You have assignments to submit by four in the evening, you have an exam to write tomorrow. It's 7:30 and you have to leave in half an hour. Hurry. You reach college. Friends. Smiles. Some don't smile. Some hug. Some you don't want to hug. Class. Smiles again. Seats. Class begins. Everyone's quiet? Not quite. You like it. And you're happy.

Lunch hour. Lunch with friends. Quickly done, because, you have assignment to complete. You complain but you like the pressure. You argue with someone about something unimportant because you were irritated at that moment. Both of you forget about it in five minutes. Things are okay. Like how they were before. And again, you're happy.

How long will it last? Did you think about that?

You're riding back home. Noticing people around you. That good looking person on the bike next to you. He smiles at you because he saw you glancing in his direction. You hear a bike come up behind you. He's over-speeding and he knows it. He loses control inches behind you. Crashing onto you. You stumble. Your head hits the ground first. Over.

You open your eyes no more.

Written sometime ago.

>>>

The lines below reminds me of Radiohead's song- How to disappear completely.

How to disappear completely.
Sink into the floor below, get sucked into the ceiling above.
Lean against the wall, becoming it's wallpaper.
Evaporate into the shadow.

>>>

The faded red shirt on the clothesline,

the broken toy outside the door.

The dirty puddle of water attracts flies,

the grandma inside snores.

>>>

Monsters under my bed.
Whispering. Plotting. Waiting.

To grab me and chew me alive.
But I'm smart. I won't let them win.
I'll be in my bed forever.
Monsters in my head?
Yes.
They've won.

>>>

My grandma's house.

My grandma's house in the village has a huge frontyard surrounded by thickly branches trees. They have three dogs who are let loose at sunset. The dogs can sense any stranger from a certain distance. So, I knew I was safe if I ventured out to the edge of the frontyard near the orchid below anytime at night. It was well past midnight. I woke up and thought of standing in the middle of the frontyard, just to see how it felt. It was pitch black. All I could see was one of the dogs' eyes at a distance, he was watching out for me. The stars in the sky. They're brighter than what they're here. And I could see the outline or the rustling leaves. The smell of the trees, the sound of the leaves, the pitch blackness. Do you know how it feels?

Leaves.

Dead leaves lie under the tree.
Breeze.
The leaves move with the wind.
They suddenly have life.
A person. Me.
The leaves crawl closer to me.
Encircle me.
They slowly travel up, covering me.
I no longer can see.
The feel of dry, dead leaves on my lips.
Suffocating.
The smell.
Is the last thing that I remember.

As I fall asleep.

When I'm in my bed lying sideways and I close my eyes, I feel the ceiling is centimeters above my right ear. I imagine/see my head pressing against the pillow wanting more space between the bed and the ceiling. I see myself unable to move my legs because there is no room.

When I try to force these images away, I sometimes succeed and with my eyes closed, I see the room suddenly huge, white, bright, ceiling far away from me. I see myself as a tiny speck. And this too hurts and I open my eyes and see what's real.